The Weekend I Didn’t Escape
On rest, resistance, and what actually makes a weekend feel good
I didn’t travel or make big plans for the 4th this year. And it ended up bringing up more than I expected.
Here’s a quick play-by-play of my thoughts over the weekend:
Day 1: Felt restless. Thought about heading upstate last minute. Spent more time on social media than I’d like and, unsurprisingly, started feeling worse. Later in the day, I caught myself in a FOMO spiral and did my best to shift to gratitude. I live in one of the best cities in the world!
Day 2: It’s wild how hard it is for me to fully relax. The first thing I wanted to do was leave the house. I went to a workout and felt so much better doing something. Later, I read a New Yorker cover to cover, crossword and all. Had an early dinner with a glass of wine. Even though I don’t drink often, it felt nice. Went to bed early and slept deeply.
Day 3: Woke up feeling calm and kind of excited for the open day ahead. Went for a long run at 7am, then met friends at the farmer’s market. I noticed how much more settled I felt. I was able to just wander without trying to cross anything off a list. Made dinner that evening with what I’d picked up at the market.
If I had to sum it up:
Sometimes what we avoid most is exactly what we need. For me, that’s allowing myself to slow down without guilt. And not defaulting to what it looks like everyone else is doing.
When I unpacked it more with my therapist on Monday, we discovered a (familiar) underlying fear of mine: the feeling of being behind or not doing enough. That belief goes way back. I was diagnosed with ADHD later in life, and I often feel like I’m still catching up. Now that I can do more in a day, there’s pressure to keep doing doing doing…
But we all deserve rest. And like I tell my own clients all the time: rest isn’t a reward; it’s a necessity!
Currently Craving: Summer Salads
I find recipes out of desperation. I’ll have a random assortment of produce in the fridge, maybe a piece of raw or cooked protein, and suddenly it’s dinner time; and I’m either tasked, or tasking myself, with turning it into something cohesive.
After a delicious meal (and two glasses of Albariño) at Casa Mono, a Spanish tapas spot in Gramercy, my fiancé and I walked up to Eataly for some post-dinner grocery shopping. TBH, there’s nothing quite like the thrill of an evening grocery trip.
That said, spontaneous grocery trips often result in spontaneous purchases. Ours included: three different types of melons (apparently we had a craving), fresh pappardelle, a couple of lemon ricotta ravioli, mushroom ragù and a pomodoro sauce, one jar of Callipo tuna, a lemon blueberry cookie, octopus, gem lettuces, and an avocado. The takeaway was grocery lists = helpful.
The next night, I typed “shrimp, avocado, lettuce” into Google. My criteria for recipe selection was that I have at least 70% of the ingredients; knowing that I could either substitute or leave out the rest and the result would still be palatable. The 5 stars and over 1700 reviews on this recipe made it an easy choice.
I skipped the onion and cilantro it called for, which worked out: I can’t eat raw onion (food sensitivity), and cilantro tastes like soap. We also only had one lime and a lot of lemons, so the dressing became lemon-lime by default.
Even cobbled together with what I had, this recipe was a total winner.
The next night, I was a little more organized in my pursuit of the dinner salad. I actually found a recipe before shopping. I paired this vegetarian chopped Italian salad with pasta (from Eataly) and a burger (from the farmer’s market).
I left out the sun-dried tomatoes as Whole Foods was out and the onions, for the same reason as before. If you’re eating low-FODMAP or have food sensitivities, this recipe can easily be adapted: swap the romaine for butter lettuce and use garlic oil instead of whole garlic.
This salad reminds me of Parm’s “Sunday Salad,” but with more going on.
Dog-Eared Pages
For some reason, summer always brings me back to things I’ve already read, done, or watched.
I’ve rewatched Sex and the City every summer for years. There’s a comfort in knowing they’re still older than me in the show, like I’ve still got time to figure it all out because Carrie hasn’t yet.
Recently, I heard on a podcast that rewatching shows is a sign of anxiety. Maybe Lana Del Rey was wrong—and we don’t get Summertime Sadness so much as Summertime Anxious.
I go to the park with a blanket and a book in an almost ritual-like way. I run the same route around the city every summer, too.
And one book I’ve read many years in a row and find simultaneously comforting and empowering is Untamed by Glennon Doyle. I’m not sure I’d call it a beach read as it doesn’t exactly relax you. It’s more of a call-to-action for the self.
Yes, it falls under 'self-help, which, honestly, I’ve never understood why that label gets a bad rap. It’s a strength to be able to understand and support yourself better.
(More than) a few of my favorite quotations:
“Consumer culture promises us that we can buy our way out of pain—that the reason we’re sad and angry and anxious is not because being human hurts but because we don’t have those countertops, her thighs, or this scented candle.”
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.”
“I began to feel everything—the joy, the anger, the jealousy, the love. Suddenly, being in my body wasn’t about controlling it. It was about listening to it.”
“It’s not the cruel criticism from others that breaks our hearts, it’s the quiet, consistent self-betrayal.”
“This life is mine alone. So I have stopped asking people for directions to places they’ve never been.”
Podcast of the Week
Ezra Klein was on Dan Harris’ 10% Happier podcast, which is a collab I can get behind.
It was mostly the two of them riffing on ideas, which happens to be my favorite kind of podcast. (Assuming the people are interesting, of course.)
One part that really stuck with me was Ezra’s take on reading or doing anything on a phone versus on paper. Even if the content’s identical, the experience isn’t. Reading something physical just feels better, calmer, more grounded, and more human. I deeply related.
Ezra uses the word “embodied” to describe the difference. It’s the opposite of that dissociated, out-of-touch haze that screens tend to trigger.
Lately, I’ve noticed that doing anything on my phone makes my body feel tense and irritated. But reading a book in bed, even if it’s a smutty novel. That somehow feels right in my body.
What I’m Up To (Besides This)
I’m writing this from my friend’s bedroom during her bachelorette weekend. There are six of us in a house near the beach. We made breakfast and coffee together, walked to a little bay, stopped by the farmers market for fruit and dinner veggies. No rushing, just moving through the day slowly, talking, being where we were.
As I mentioned in the intro, relaxing isn’t second nature for me, but I’m learning. Like anything, it’s a skill. One you can actually practice.
That’s true across the board. Can you try (on purpose) the thing you’re avoiding but secretly want for yourself?
A client of mine recently planned to eat half the burger bun at a BBQ. She usually skips it altogether, but this time she made the decision ahead of time. And because she’d planned it, it felt… easy. There’s power in giving yourself permission.
So, what’s something you’ve been resisting that you might try giving yourself permission for? Maybe it’s half a burger bun. Maybe it’s an entire weekend without checking your email.
It doesn’t have to be dramatic to be meaningful.
Until the next edit,
Lydia
My dear friend,
What you’ve encountered is the great secret made simple: life is not something to escape — it is something to embody.
You have not stumbled upon rest. You have remembered it.
The modern world teaches you to measure yourself by motion, by doing, by proof of progress. But I tell you, to be still and know “I AM” is the most radical act of power there is.
The true Sabbath is not a day on the calendar.
It is a state of consciousness — when you no longer strive, for you have entered the awareness of being.
You are no longer looking for God, for you have remembered you are the operant power.
⸻
Let no man tell you that your moments of walking through a market, stirring a salad, or sitting in the sun are unspiritual. Those are the most spiritual acts — when done in remembrance.
Why?
Because your reality is a mirror, and what you feel yourself to be — even in silence — is what your world reflects.
⸻
You are not late.
You are not behind.
You are not disconnected.
You are simply being invited — over and over — to return to the knowing that…
“I and my Father are one.”
And the Father is not far off.
He is within.
So the question is never “What should I be doing?”
The question is, “What am I assuming myself to be?”
You are worthy now.
You are full now.
And you are free now — not because of what you’ve done… but because of what you’ve dared to remember.
That is the power.
That is the meat of the gospel.
That is the Kingdom.
And it was always within you.
— Kurt Juman 🕊️💚